Shhh...We Don't Live Together Yet!

The most controversial wedding decision that Andrew and I have yet to make is one that we are not making. Simply put, we've decided not to live together before we get married.

Here are some stats I gathered on this topic:

There are 9.7 million Americans living with an unmarried different-sex partner and 1.2 million American living with a same-sex partner. 11% of unmarried partners are same-sex couples.- U.S. Census Bureau, 2000

41% of American women ages 15-44 have cohabited (lived with an unmarried different-sex partner) at some point. This includes 9% of women ages 15-19, 38% of women ages 20-24, 49% of women ages 25-29, 51% of women ages 30-34, 50% of women ages 35-39, and 43% of women ages 40-44. - Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. "Cohabitation, Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage in the United States." Vital Health and Statistics Series 23, Number 22, Department of Health and Human Services, 2002.

The number of unmarried couples living together increased 72% between 1990 and 2000.- U.S. Census Bureau, 2000

55% of different-sex cohabitors get married within 5 years of moving in together. 40% break up within that same time period. About 10% remain in an unmarried relationship five years or longer.- Smock, Pamela (2000). "Cohabitation in the United States." Annual Review of Sociology.
All of this information has been gathered courtesy of http://www.unmarried.org/statistics.html.

Why am I not joining the 49% of women in my age bracket who live with their partners before marriage? There are a few reasons and I am happy to share them. The first is that I relish being single. Don't get me wrong, I can not wait to marry Andrew, but in the meantime, I want to treasure nights snuggled up in my bed, face mask on and Godiva Ice Cream in tow reading trashy novels without judgement, long conversations with my girlfriends without an audience, painting my toenails while I watch "Grey's Anatomy", and all other "Secret Single" (a la Carrie Bradshaw) behavior that Andrew loathes before I make the move to move in with my boy. The next reason is because I do my best (though I do not always succeed) to follow the tenants of my religious faith. I don't mean to say that those who live with their significant others are somehow wrong, immoral or "sinners", but simply to say that this was not the right choice for me based on my personal beliefs. The final reason is pretty cut and dry. My parents are making a generous contribution to the wedding and have threatened not to if we live together; as a city school employee, suffice to say that I would have a hard time paying for the wedding of my dreams on my own...

That being said, I can understand the many reasons why people do live together before marriage (and am more than occasionally jealous of those who do). Bills are pretty expensive, especially in this economy, and it would be nice to have someone to split them with. Over half of these relationships end in marriage, but some do not; perhaps those who live together first avoid what could have potentially been disastrous marriages. That, and I can definitely understand the desire to have your loved one near. It makes perfect sense to me, and I judge not. We all have to make the choices that are right for us.

What bothers me, I guess, is how much I have been called upon to defend my beliefs on this matter. I usually just give people the last reason (about the parental wedding support) and it seems to nip the conversation in the bud. However, it would be best not to have to defend my position at all. As Rodney King once replied in a much more urgent situation, "Can't we all just get along?". After all, aren't weddings supposed to be about love?

What do you think? What did you decide about living together before marriage and why did you make that choice?

Picking a Pretty Palette...The Decorating Continues.

Now that we had linens and furniture, we need to get the guest bedroom painted.We will also be painting the master to get ready for its future makeover. Here are the colors we chose:

Master (We will paint one wall the darker grey as an accent, and the other three walls a lighter grey.):
Guestroom (The light brown will be the primary color on all of the walls, the dark brown will be the trim and the cream will be for the ceiling):

The accent color for the guest room will be chartreuse, and the accent colors for the master will be chartreuse, burnt orange and robin's egg blue. I'd love to use the wedding colors (pink and brown) but A was not so into the idea-he he he!

How did you pick the colors for your nest? Did you start with the paint or with the linens/decorations?

Paint colors/swatches from http://www.myperfectcolor.com (Benjamin Moore).

Moving On To The Master...

Linens... Throw Pillows...

More Throw Pillows...

A charteuse throw...

A pretty picture...

And some lamps...

Heavy Nesting

I would like to take a break from my regularly scheduled wedding posts to blog about my latest obsession....nesting! Because, let's face it, as much as you (and I) may love wedding planning, sometimes a girl just needs a break and a time to focus on something new.

It all started this weekend when A and I started envisioning how we wanted our home to look. Since I already own a home that he will move into when we are married (more on that later). We decided to make it "ours" by furnishing it together with things we both loved. Let me tell you, finding things we both loved was a lot more easier said than done...While I love Andrew, this shopping excursion was definitely a lesson in compromise, balancing his love of contemporary style with my affection for all things classic. In the end though, it was nice to hear his opinions and to see him invest in what we are building together. Anyway, I am sure you just want to see the pictures, so here goes...

It all started with this bedroom set.... It will go in our guest bedroom(minus the tall dresser and the square mirror).


And these are the linens! I bought them right off our our registry at Crate and Barrel, because I simply could not wait!


I fell in love with these Sammy Vases...They will look perfect on the dresser and will pull all of the colors of the linens together.

Since we decided that we liked the green best of all of the colors in the linens, we chose this lamp to really draw it out.

And, this throw should also help to that end...

What do you think? Would you like to stay in our guest bedroom?

Top picture/furniture www.oakexpressions.com. All other pictures/products www.crateandbarrel.com.

Quasi-Nesting

Andrew and I are not living together before we get married, which tends to raise a few eyebrows here and there. I think everyone should do what is best in their own situation, and in ours the decision is based on a variety of factors from traditional parents (my dad actually told me he would not pay for any part of our wedding if we lived together first), religion and finances (I have 2 roommates, so splitting the bills 3 ways is much more lucrative than 2). However, we are preparing for the move (Andrew recently sold his house and will move into mine), and are making slow and steady progress towards it. We've done some work in the kitchen, put sod in the yard and even built a new patio for outdoor entertaining. However, today I worked on the first project that really made me feel like it was "our house"; Andrew and I picked out paint together and today I started painting what will be our guestroom. It is a lovely taupe color called haystack. I also have to say that I put more loving attention into this project than any of the others, mostly because the nesting gave me a warm and fuzzy feeling inside. I can definitely see why it would be fun to live together already. Sigh. What is your living situation, and what are your reasons for your choice?

p.s. I will be sure to post pictures when the room is painted!!